Minding My Mental Health

As a young mom, I left medical school after only one year, unable to find the right balance in my life. When I found a job working in admissions and teaching Latin at the Waldorf School my kids’ attended, I was thrilled and committed. It perfectly suited my desire to be a hands-on parent and have a meaningful professional career.  But when my children got older and I started thinking about what was next for me, the only path that allowed me to fully let go of my medical school dream was writing.

As I transitioned into this new venture, I was thrilled by the creativity and flexibility I found. But working in the arts, and working from home, have both definitely had an impact on my mental health and well-being.

When I worked at the school, I had to be up and out of the house at a certain hour every day, regardless of my mood. Now, sometimes it requires a good bit of self-talk to get dressed in the mornings. With my previous job, I interacted with prospective parents, my fantastic colleagues, and my students every day. Now, I live predominantly in my own head. It’s been a huge change and a huge challenge. Don’t get me wrong, most days I love what I do and I love the lifestyle it has afforded me in terms of freedom and independence, but I’ve also had to deal with some emotional issues that I had no idea were lurking in my psyche. I think my mood swings are mostly a result of being alone for hours at a time, and they tend to be more pronounced in the winter, but they’ve become more noticeable and actually interfere with my productivity sometimes. I affectionately call the bad days “circle the drain” days.

I’ve had to resurrect some effective habits from my previous career and develop some brand new ones in order to stay productive and emotionally healthy in this writer’s life. Here are some of my tried and true methods for keeping on track and caring for myself.

I work with a calendar to keep organized.

I admit to being obsessive about working with my calendar and to-do lists, but within the framework of my calendar, I have the freedom to be creative. I’m proactive instead of reactive and I feel in control of my time. And, as importantly, I plan my down time and self-care time into my days. These activities hold just as much weight as any deadline.

Yoga is more than a workout for me.

I try to attend two to three yoga classes per week on the days I don’t go to the gym. The endorphin release of any type of exercise gives me more energy and keeps me in shape physically, but a yoga class feels like hitting the reset button. On any given day, I always feel better after yoga.

I bask in the sunshine and fresh air whenever possible.

Anytime I can, I work outside. I move my laptop and tea to the front porch and appreciate the pleasure of a warm breeze and the smell of cut grass.

Of course, I live in New England, so winters can be rough, but my hiking group goes out in just about every weather condition. As they like to say, “There’s no bad weather, only bad clothing.” While I don’t entirely embrace that sentiment, being outside with a group of people who’ve been my friends for years is something I look forward to.

I embrace my rhythm.

I’ve come to accept that I won’t always feel terrific, that I’m not always as productive as I’d like to be, and the long, dark winters take their toll.

Instead of fighting the ups and downs, I’ve tried to embrace and honor them. And instead of feeling bad about feeling bad, which only makes the feeling last longer, I let it drift through. I recognize it but don’t dwell on it (thank you yoga practice!) Hot chocolate and a workspace by the fire make those long days of winter more tolerable. Candles lit all over the house when it’s gray and rainy feel cozy. When I’m able to open the windows, I appreciate and celebrate the burst of energy and creativity that comes with the sunshine.

Community is important.

I have really wonderful friends, many that I’ve known for decades. Often, when I’m feeling down, the last thing I want to do is be with people, but usually, that’s the best antidote. Alone in my head, I lose perspective on things large and small. My friends can make me laugh, give me a good kick in the pants when I need it, or offer a much-needed break from my day to day routine. And sometimes, just working at a coffee shop, with the background bustle of people for company instead of working from home alone, is good enough. 

Shifting careers into the arts has been quite an adjustment for me. I expected there would be a change in my work habits and I expected a learning curve. I didn’t expect the impact on my mental health. Recognizing that I needed to pay attention to it and adjusting my habit life around it took some time. But now, a few years in, I wouldn’t want to do anything else!

Inside a Writer's Mind: On Writing a Sequel

People have asked whether it was easier or harder to write the second book in my series, and my honest answer is – it was both! I’ve grown so much as a writer in the time between the first book and second that, from a craft standpoint, it was easier. I’ve learned to recognize my own bad habits and correct them. I know the places where the plot might be dragging and I can add tension before my editor hits the scene with a red pen. I’m able to dive deeper into character development, and I’m willing to take more risks, knowing that if something doesn’t work, I’ll have the time and opportunity to fix it. With writing the second book, I had confidence in the process.

On the other hand, my first book, HORIZON, received some prestigious awards including the Writer’s Digest Grand Prize for Self-Published Fiction in 2016. While it was gratifying to win that award, I definitely felt like I had a lot to live up to, and I felt the stress of it when writing INFINITY. But even without the award, I’d left the first book with an ending that promised a sequel. My newfound readers and fans had an expectation that the story would continue, and I didn’t want to disappoint them. When the early reviews for INFINITY started coming in, and they were actually better than HORIZON’s, I was filled with relief!

As I begin writing the third installment in the series, I’m still working to improve. I’m writing some short fiction, which I find helps hone my skill at creating tension and crafting tight, crisp scenes. I’m guest blogging and writing material for my own web site, because any kind of writing helps keep my creative energy flowing. And I’m reading a lot. My goal as a writer is first and foremost to tell a good story. But I also hope that each book I write will be better than the last! You'll have to let me know what you think...

Comic Cons: My People Are There!

I sometimes joke that Star Wars changed my life, but I’m only half kidding. I first saw the movie when I was seven and I became instantly obsessed. Model x-wing fighters hung from my bedroom ceiling, the Millennium Falcon I built with my dad had a light-up cockpit, my Empire Strikes Back lunchbox still had its thermos, and my Princess Leia action figure was the one with the real buns - you know, fake hair instead of plastic that you could never fix after you’d messed with it. I should have saved those toys. My collection would have rivaled any I’ve seen.

Over the years, I’ve loved and binged on many other stories - the original Battlestar Galactica and the later reboot, Firefly, Buffy, Supernatural, Falling Skies, Daredevil, and Walking Dead, to name a few. When I finally attended my first Comic Con, I began to understand fandom as a phenomenon. These were my people!

I think we fans of sci-fi and fantasy, and all the sub-genres in between, are drawn to these stories not only because they spark our imagination, but because we can explore real issues from the safety and distance of another planet, or from a parallel universe, or with superpowers. We can cheer the heroes who fight the darkness, slay the dragons of our nightmares, and build a world with a place for us all. Our fandom affords us the chance to do that in community.

I write science fiction for the same reason I watch and read it. First, because it appeals to my imagination on a deep level, and second, because I can explore heroes and worlds of my own creation. I can put my characters through hell, wage wars, build and destroy entire governments, design worlds. I can exercise my demons on the page. For me, the satisfaction of creating these stories is very similar to the enthusiasm I have for other people’s stories. And having fans is as much fun as being a fan!

Cons are places where fans can interact with artists, and where people who find joy in a good story come to celebrate that story, whether it’s found on a screen, in a comic, or in a novel. Attending Cons as a fan gave me the idea that I might have success attending them as a writer. I hadn’t seen many authors selling novels at traditional Comic Cons, and I couldn’t be sure this was a crowd full of avid fiction readers, but I took an educated guess that those who did enjoy reading would be my audience.  

It was easy to talk about my stories to people who were already sci-fi fans! And, because I’m a fan too, I had many enthusiastic conversations not only about my own work in terms of influence and comparable work, but about newly trending sci-fi TV shows, movies, books, collectible, and costumes. I had as much fun behind my table as I did when I was an attendee. And I sold every book I brought with me.

I'm in There! - Authenticity in a Fictional World

I’m often asked where and when my personal experiences influence my writing, and how they add authenticity and believability to my work. Since I write science fiction, obviously much of the material comes directly from my overactive imagination! However, there’s a good deal of survival fiction in my novels. Although I haven’t had to run for my life through the uninhabited wilderness, like my protagonist Caeli in the Horizon series, I did draw on my own experiences growing up in a rural area and my later experiences hiking and camping.

As kids, my friends and I would explore acres of forest, gather berries by the bucketful, and spend entire days outside, returning home only when the sun set. The smell of pine needles and dirt still conjure memories of childhood. When Caeli was hiding in the forest for a significant part of my first novel, Horizon, and then had to cautiously trek through that same wilderness to find the resistance movement’s hidden camp in the second book, Infinity, I knew this part of the story needed to be particularly authentic. I wanted readers to squint at the bright sun, feel the biting wind on their faces, smell the muddy river water, and hear boots crunch across the frosty fields.

Like Caeli, I’ve had to find water, make a fire, set up camp, and search for food. Unlike Caeli, I wasn’t fleeing from a ruthless army at the same time! As an adult, I’ve camped on the uninhabited islands off the coast of Maine all the way down to the Blue Ridge Mountains, I’ve summited Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa, and I hike locally every week with a group of friends. Every one of these experiences informed and inspired my writing. There’s a particular scene in Horizon where Caeli is teaching Derek, the pilot she’s rescued, how to carve a spoon from a chunk of wood. I have a drawer full of hand carved spoons from my own adventures, and I actually imagined this scene for the book while I was sitting around a campfire whittling utensils. 

Another aspect of the Horizon series that I felt needed to be well researched and accurate were the medical scenes. I chose to keep my characters human, with physical anatomies similar to ours, so when I made Caeli a healer, and had her dealing with emergencies on a regular basis, I drew from my own experiences as an EMT. And here’s a little secret: I’m a medical school dropout. Attending med school with young children proved, for me, an impossible task. I don’t regret my decision at all, but I’m particularly vigilant about describing authentic trauma scenes in my stories. And when I’m not sure about a treatment or procedure, I call my brother-in-law, who did finish medical school and is a practicing physician!

I have great latitude as a science fiction writer. The worlds I imagine aren’t real. But to bring readers along for the ride, and ask them to suspend their belief for the duration of the journey, the places I create must feel authentic. I’ve tried to infuse my writing with color and life drawn from my own real-world experiences to do this. You’ll have to let me know what you think!