Monday Musings 2-18-19

I’ve been working on Equinox edits for a couple of weeks now, and if I want to make my release deadline, I have to keep my nose down and finish. For the last three days, I haven’t moved much from my spot on the couch. There are printed documents strewn everywhere, laundry piled on the kitchen table, and I’m wearing the same pajamas I had on three days ago.

It’s funny, but I don’t really mind. I know this state of suspended reality isn’t going to last. Eventually, the rest of my life will need to be tended to and I’ll be more than ready to get back to it. For now, though, my full focus is on finishing this story and I’ve enjoyed giving it my full attention for the home stretch.

This feeling of being so connected to something you’ve made, and realizing you’re almost ready to share it with the world, is a strange and wonderful part of the creative process. It’s also a time when I know most writers and artists feel pretty vulnerable. We’ve poured ourselves into our work and we have no idea how that work will be received. When I finished writing my first novel, Horizon, I wrote an entire blog post on this subject: Handle with Care. Here’s a little snippet that captures the sentiment:

Any artist in any field understands that to share our work is to be vulnerable. We’ve risked opening our hearts to strangers - with words, in images, with a paintbrush, on a stage. We’ve put something of our private selves out into the world. Even my stories, full of spaceships and evil villains, myths and magic, have some of the real “me” in them. People who know me well will recognize those pieces. But it’s worth it to tell the story. And I’m learning to make peace with the discomfort.

As I finish this last round of edits for the last book in this series, I’m more confident in myself as a writer and in my craft. My skin is definitely thicker when it comes to criticism, but there’s still a moment of hesitation, a bit of discomfort and fragility. What I’ve learned, though, is it’s a pretty universal feeling among us artsy types. When I’m feeling it, I have a whole community of people who encourage me. When I have a chance to offer that encouragement back, I do. And I really am learning to make peace with the discomfort.

Monday Musings 2-4-19

On New Year's Eve this year I went to a dance party with my husband and some friends. I literally danced for hours. Ray, who would have much preferred to be on the stage with his guitar, humored me by filling my champagne glass and letting me shake and twirl all night long.

I got my first pair of ballet slippers when I was seven, scratched up the kitchen floor with my tap shoes at ten, and performed straight through college. Now, with the exception of weddings, I rarely dance at all. Turns out, I really miss it. Yesterday I joined a gym that offers Salsa and Zumba and all kinds of other 'dancey' classes. Today I gave one a try. So much FUN! Loud music, easy choreography, sweaty bodies. What could be better?

I'm not sure why it took me so long to realize I've missed this, or to remember how important it is to do something I love, simply because I love it. I think we all get caught up in our work, in our families, in running our households and businesses. We may even enjoy all these things most days. But, this isn't the same thing as doing something we enjoy for no practical reason whatsoever. Maybe it's time to give ourselves permission to do just that.

Monday Musings 1-28-19

Sometimes I feel stuck - and the feeling is the same whether I'm stuck around a plot tangle in my book or stuck in a slump with my fitness routine. I'm uninspired, sluggish, and maybe a little grumpy. You probably know the feeling?

Sometimes the winter contributes, with the short days, gray skies, and cold temperatures. If you've been reading these Monday Musings for a while, you can probably detect a pattern. I start whining about this stuff in the middle of winter or in the middle of editing. Right now, I've got both going on at the same time and I can barely tolerate myself!

Last week, I talked about working through the hard days, about keeping my nose down and doing the work. But when is a different approach appropriate? When is it okay to admit we're tired and we need a break. That we need to take a day off. That maybe binge watching Netflix on a Sunday instead of taking down the holiday decorations is the right choice? I guess I'd say the answer is - when we need to. There will always be another deadline, another load of laundry, another mile to run.

I'm in California visiting my sister this week. I always enjoy my time out here, mostly because I miss her and we get to spend hours of uninterrupted girl time, but also because I get a lot of work done when I'm here. Yesterday, we stayed in our pajamas all day, read, binged Netflix, and drank a few bottles of wine. It was a glorious day full of doing absolutely nothing productive, and it was exactly what we both needed to be ready for the week. 

In a culture that reveres busy, it has to be okay to step off the treadmill once in a while to recharge. It has to be okay to value balance. 

Monday Musings 1-21-19

Lots of things are happening during the first half of this year. I've got a book to release! This means most of my time and energy will be focused on edits, finalizing cover design, laying out a marketing strategy, and working out the many details associated with bringing another book into the world. I've also updated my social media pages, author photo, and added new events to my 2019 calendar. It's an exciting time, and I admit, I work better with hard deadlines.  

This is also the time when I experience regular bouts of self-doubt. What if my manuscript is trash and I can't fix it in time? What if sales tank? What if I disappoint my readers with this book? And so it goes... 

At this point in my career, I have enough experience to anticipate this annoying internal drama, and I have a toolbox of tricks for getting through it. Here's the biggest trick of all: Do the work. 

I'm reminded of one of my son's favorite quotes: "Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard." 

Yes, I spend time with a bottle of wine (or Jameson's if I'm being totally honest) when I get the first round of edits from the editor. Yes, I have dark moments where I really have no idea how I'm going to fix any of it. Yes, I worry I'm an imposter in the creative world. But, I've made it to the other side enough times to have confidence I will again. So, I allow myself a little time for wallowing, and then I dig in and do the work. It's really the only way. 

Monday Musings 1-14-19

I woke up cranky this morning. It was dark, my to-do list was long, and I felt a little under the weather. Part of this was my fault. I had a heck of a good time over the weekend, but, since I am no longer a spring chicken, apparently I don't recover from a 'good time' very quickly. You probably also know from past posts that winter is my least favorite time of year. I whine about everything from my chapped lips to the lack of daylight. So, altogether, I did not feel like leaping out of bed to face this Monday. 

I did, however, make it to a power yoga class. My yoga practice is one of the things that keeps me moderately well balanced throughout the winter. I make myself go even when I wake up feeling like the Grinch. At the end of today's class, while I suffered in frog pose, the instructor asked us this question: "Can you be present in the moment even when things are unpleasant?" I actually worried that my dark energy had contaminated the room and she was speaking directly to me. 

When I'm in a bad mood, or otherwise not feeling my best, I often wish the time away. I want to extract myself from the discomfort, or just get to the other side of a bad experience. But what I started to think about after my yogic kick-in-the-pants today is how quickly time passes. The older I get, the more acutely I feel it. I don't want to spend my energy wishing time away or focusing on my own internal darkness.

Turns out, after the cue this morning, it wasn't hard to make a mental shift. I can be present even when things are unpleasant because I don't want to miss out on this moment. I know I won't get it back.

Monday Musings 1-7-19

I only spent one semester as an English major before switching over to Classics, so when I started my official writing career, I didn't have a degree to support it, or any real experience. What I learned, though, is that the way you become a writer is by, well, writing.

First, you write crap. Then you rewrite it. Or maybe you put that project aside and start a new one. Somewhere along the way, you realize actual skill is required to do this job well. Like any form of art, talent alone doesn't cut it.

I found that workshops, conferences, critique partners, and good editors made all the difference. I could produce content while improving my craft. Now, on occasion, I get to lead those workshops, guest lecture, and, in different ways, teach new writers some of what I've learned along the way.

Saturday, January 12th at 10:00 am, I'll be at the Pascoag Public Library hosting a workshop on World-Building. For science fiction and fantasy writers, crafting believable worlds in unbelievable settings is part of the job. But, as I've learned, we can't just dump detail after detail into our story or we'll bore our readers to distraction. Seamlessly weaving in background, history, and setting, creating rules for magic and advanced technology, and bringing authenticity to our imaginary worlds requires skill. And, there are actual lessons to be learned on how to do this.

So, if you're an aspiring writer and in the area, check it out. Here's a FB link with more info: Author Series: World Building with Tabitha Lord. Maybe I'll see you there!